Dating Whore

Rexi

I feel terrible. Ben and I aren't talking anymore. We finally had a little DTR and it killed me to tell him how I felt. I like Ben a lot, but I don't feel I could ever love him (P.S. I've never been in love). He's still in Washington and it's not that I can't handle long distant relationships it's because I'm obviously not crazy enough for him in order to keep this relationship going. I'm dating around and he won't. I told him how guilty I was feeling. Ugh.....it's so frustrating because he sends me cute text messages during my boring classes. He'll text, "Just thinking about you, Babe." or "You make me so happy even though we're far away." I was crying as we were having our conversation on the phone. He knew our relationship was balancing on a tight rope. I said, "If I wanted this relationship to work out, I would let it. I just feel that I am your first priority. You would do anything for me and you're always there for me, but I'm not there for you. My priorities are different from yours and it's not fair to you." I could tell from his tone of voice that he was sad. But surprisingly he wasn't mad at me. He understood and he told me that he would move on. But then he said, "Rexi, but before you go, I just wanted to let you know that you are the only girl that........." Stop. I didn't want to hear what he had to say. I interrupted him and told him that it would be best if I didn't know. It wouldn't solve anything if he told me. He said, "You're right. I don't know what I was thinking." Then we said goodbye and I cried myself to sleep.

I thought I was going to be very depressed the day after, but I wasn't. I was sad when I woke up, but once I went to class I was in my own little routine at school. Everytime I thought of Ben it hurt me. I still have feelings for him but if I know the answer, I'm just wasting his time. But my day got a little bit better when Duke decided to ask me out on a little mini date. Now, you don't know who Duke is, but he is in fact Ken's roommate! Ken has no idea that Duke asked for my number and we've been texting each other for the past week. I don't think Duke knows that Ken and I used to have a thing.

There are only two things that might be going on: 1) Ken isn't interested in me and told Duke that I was free game OR 2) Duke has no idea Ken and I had a thing (it sounds like Duke and Ken don't talk very much)

But this is the worst part. I'm not even interested in Duke. He's a real ladies man and he thinks he's God's gift to women. The only reason why I went out with him is because I wanted to show Ken that I was dating other guys. But since Ken and Duke don't talk very much I don't think that Ken knows about it.

Then there's Charles who is also Ken's roommate and he just invited me to go dancing with him tonight! (I have to hurry and finish this because I have to start getting ready) The thing is that Ken was gone this past weekend, so he didn't know that I was hanging out with Duke and Charles. I really don't think their apartment talks to each other. It seems like all those guys just do their own thing and they don't talk about their dates.....but..maybe not. Maybe they're playing some big joke on me. Is this a test?

But today Ken sent me a little message saying, "How are by the way? I haven't seen you at all it seems like since the semester started!" WHAT IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN? He hasn't talked to me in weeks and has clearly given me the hint that he's not interested and then he acts like I'm the one not interested in him! He's seriously so confusing. But I'm going to go to that dance with Charles tonight. It's not a date, but Charles was really wanting me to show up. We'll see how tonight turns up. I wonder if Ken would be there at the dance (I doubt it, Ken never told me he liked to dance).

Maybe this whole thing is a bad idea. I'm pretty much using Ken's roommates. eeeek.

I think I am a dating whore.